The Itsy, Bitsy Spider
by Lashworthe
Summary: A spider in the shower causes a fight between Tony and Loki. One shot. Ironfrost. Fluffy, fluff, fluff.


"Jarvis, turn the water off this instant! There is a spider!" Loki's voice was a tad sharper than usual.

From his spot in the bed, Tony watched as Loki retreated from the bathroom.

Loki, running from a spider?

"Don't worry babe, I'll save you from the spider." he laughed as he jumped from the bed, and headed into the bathroom. In the spacious shower, a daddy long leg was struggling to climb away from the drain. Two of its legs were water logged and limp as the spider limped through the beads of water.

"Sorry bud, but you're ruining Lolo's shower," Tony said as he raised the shoe and sent it flying downwards.

He blinked as the shoe froze in midair then flew towards him, crashing into his stomach and knocking the air from him. He wheezed as he stumbled backwards, "…a goddamn magic…spider?"

"Don't be ridiculous Stark," Loki waved his hand and the shoe landed safely outside of the shower.

"Loki? What the hell are you…. you just hit me with a shoe!"

"I am quite aware."

"But… what….why did…?"

"You were going to crush this little creature quite unnecessarily." Loki knelt down at the edge of the shower, and put a cup over the spider.

"Why didn't you just hocus-pocus eight-legs instead of beating me up?" he rubbed his stomach, "I swear if this leaves a bruise…"

"I cannot 'hocus-pocus' the creature. It is far too small for me to accurately gauge the amount of force to apply." he began carefully sliding a piece of lamented paper under the cup. "There, there little one, it is alright."

"A-Are you cooing? To a spider?"

"Silence Stark."

"You are! You are baby talking to a spider. Look… I don't know if spiders exist on Asgard… but here…"

"Yes, I am quite aware as to what a spider is." The carefully picked up the plastic and the cup.

"Then what are you doing it?"

Loki sighed, rolling his eyes, "Go and have your coffee man of iron, clearly your mortal brain has not woken enough to assess even the most obvious."

"Oh, haha," Tony stood up, "Seriously. On Earth we squish spiders."

"Why?"

"Why? I mean have you looked at the thing?"

"It is a thousandth your size. Its body is smaller than your fingernail."

"It's creepy! Eight legs… eight eyes…they're creepy. It's like this tiny, little monster-"

Oh shit.

He'd said monster. Out loud. In front of Loki.

Monster was word number 3 on the 37 word list of 'Things to NEVER say in front of Loki.'

"Monster." Loki's eyes narrowed, and Tony was grateful that Loki did not possess the ability to shoot lasers from those wicked green depths. Cause Tony would be dead where he stood.

"That's…not at all what I meant." Tony cleared his throat.

"Has your brain severed ties with your tongue again?" Loki walked out of the bathroom, cup, and paper still in hand.

Tony hesitated before hurrying after him, "Loki, I just meant… I mean on earth they're scary. One of the most common phobias."

"Not uncommon? One out of every five?" Loki mocked.

Oh shit. Tony was in deep trouble if Loki was back to bringing up their first real conversation back when Loki was bringing the alien death parade to New York. "Uh…yeah. Something like that. So um, what….what are you going to do with the spider?"

"Take it outside."

"That's a good idea… That's where spiders like to be. Outside." Tony ran a hand through his hair, "You uh…do that… I… I'll make us breakfast! Omelettes a la Tony!"

Loki didn't respond as he headed out of the main living area and to the entrance of Tony's beach home.

"Nice going Tony…" he muttered as Loki vanished from sight. He sighed and hurried to the kitchen to start making eggs. They weren't pretty, but they were (mostly) edible, if not just a little burnt around the edges.

He was setting out plates when Loki finally came back inside. "Hey Lo, good timing, breakfast's ready."

"I am not hungry."

"Come on, it's the most important meal of the day."

"Stark. I am not hungry."

Tony sighed, "Look… Loki, I didn't mean to…upset you like that okay? It's just…I mean I don't think I have ever seen anyone go out of their way to save a spider like that. Hell, I don't think I've even met someone who likes spiders! Well except maybe around Halloween, but everyone gets a little weird around that time."

"So what if they are monsters?" Loki's voice was so soft, Tony almost missed it.

"…what?"

"What if these spiders are monsters?"

"Uh…well…"

"Monsters don't deserve saving? They deserve to just be…to just be left in elements far out of their power to suffer and die? To drown while the world watches?"

Tony flinched, "Lo…Lo, no. Okay, no…monsters…monsters don't deserve that." he stepped towards Loki.

The god's head was down, eyes focused on the floor the way they always did when the past was creeping over his thoughts again. Tony could see it drowning him. He put a hand to Loki's shoulder, "Come on…we've been over this… you're not….you're not like that anymore."

Loki pulled from the touch, "Just like a spider, no matter how harmless, is not a monster that deserves to be killed?"

Tony sighed, "Loki, you're being way dramatic about this whole thing."

Loki shook his head and returned back to the bedroom, the door locking behind him. Tony groaned, and hit his head. He waited, and waited, but Loki didn't reemerge so he began pawing at the door, "Come on Loki…"

No answer.

"Loki?"

"Go away Stark."

Tony sighed and slumped down in front of the door. He hated these moods that overcame Loki every once in a while…and things were getting better, especially since Loki had patched up things with Thor, but still…

For being a god, Loki's ego was more fragile than china, and once a chink happened… it took a while for the pieces to get put back together. Tony sighed, and hit his head on the door, before either the stupidest or the most brilliant idea hit him. (With Tony it was always hard to tell those two apart).

"The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout…down came the rain and washed the spider out…" his voice was rough, not one meant for singing, but it didn't stop him from trying.

"Stark…" Loki's voice held a firm warning.

"Out came the sun and it dried up all the rain…."

"Stark?"

"And the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again…"

Tony jumped when the door opened, he tilted his head backwards, looking at Loki upside down.

"Did you really just attempt to serenade me with a made up song about spiders?" Loki crossed his arms.

"It's a classic! It's like one of the first songs they teach kids! Everyone loves itsy bitsy spider!" Tony stood up, and took hold of Loki's hands, "It's got gestures that go with it too. Here."

"The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout…" he moved Loki's hands into a diamond shape and turned them to break and come together as he moved his arms upwards.

"…that looks nothing like a spider Stark."

"Down came the rain and washed the spider out…" He pulled Loki's fingers wide and gently encouraged the digits to gently wiggle downwards before waving his hands wide across his body.

"Stark, this is-"

"Out came the sun," he waved Loki's arms over head and then returned them to the crawling diamond shape, pleased when Loki did it without prompting, "And the itsy bitsy spider went out the spout again."

"That was the most ridiculous thing. Do you midgardians truly teach that to your children?"

Tony grinned, "We do."

Loki shook his head, "You mortals are so peculiar."

"Charming. We're charming."

"Quaint."

"…I'll take it." Tony nodded, "And…uh listen Lokes. I am sorry about what I said."

Loki shook his head, "It is fine… I was overreacting."

Tony blinked, well, mark that as a first in the 'Living with and Loving Loki' book. Loki looked calmer, gaze clear, posture straight, but relaxed. He decided to try his luck, "You still needing to shower?"

One brow rose, "Why?"

Tony grinned, "Cause I was kinda thinking I might need one."

Loki rolled his eyes but his smile was light, "Well if you insist." He took Tony's hand and pulled the human back towards the shower.

"You know, I could teach you some more kids rhymes like that…something about little Miss Tuffet-"

Loki pulled Tony into a kiss, swallowing his words and not separating their lips til Tony was breathless.

"I think the ity bitsy spider is more than I ever needed to know about your midgardian lullabies."

Tony grinned, and gently kissed Loki's neck, "Good, cause I really don't know any of the other ones."

Loki laughed softly as he tugged Tony into the warm shower to wash the silly fight away.

This was a little baby one shot that popped into my head when I got into my shower and found a spider.

Enjoy, and you can find me on tumblr under the username judyblackcloud


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